Guest Review! Terminator: Salvation

Full disclosure: The Terminator trilogy has never interested me. I really don’t know why but if I have to guess, it probably has something to do with the existence of Eddie Furlong. Yes, I know he was only in T2 (Terminator Two) but his smug presence still lingers over the franchise like a droopy eyed rain cloud.

It wasn’t until Christian Bale’s notorious meltdown on the set of Terminator Salvation that I started to realize the full potential of these Terminator films. Bale’s little blooper combined two things I demand to see in every movie: horrible assholes screaming their lungs out and very intense discussions about lighting. I was looking forward to a film in which Bale wanders around an apocalyptic hell-scape verbally assaulting any android that’s stupid enough to get his latte order wrong or accidentally give him full eye contact. Unfortunately, Terminator Salvation turned out to be nothing at all like I expected. But once I got over my initial disappointment the film turned out to be an entertaining summer movie. In fact, it’s far better than any movie directed by McG should be.

Stumbling awkwardly out of the gate, Terminator Salvation opens with a decidedly odd prologue involving a death row inmate named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) who donates his body to a sinister scientist (Helena Bonham Carter, inexplicably) but not before he mocks her cancer and makes out with her. Yeah. Sure. These things happen I guess. At any rate, the story picks up several years in the future; Skynet has destroyed most of humanity in a nuclear war. As the previous films have predicted, an adult John Connor must lead the human resistance against the machines. This time, however, the machines plan on killing John’s father (Anton Yelchin) who for some reason or another is a teenager that’s stuck in the current apocalyptic timeline. Complicating matters is the strange reappearance of Marcus who isn’t sure where he is, why he’s still alive or what role he plays in the resistance.

Make no mistake about it Terminator Salvation is a big dumb action movie and like most big dumb action movies the film is engaging as long as it sticks to its frenetic set-pieces. Once it strays into more subtle character based territory the film stumbles badly (particularly any scene that involves the uninteresting and bland Marcus character). The film also seems to struggle with the pretense that it’s something more than it actually is. There are a handful of distasteful and ill-advised allusions to the Holocaust that are completely out of place. Especially considering that they’re preceded by footage of a giant robot with a gun for a head as it launches motorcycles out of its shins. Terminator Salvation also boasts some hilariously clumsy callbacks to the early Terminator films. Case in point: there’s a scene where Bale announces he’ll “be back.” The moment is handled so awkwardly I’m surprised he didn’t wink at the camera and shout “wocka wocka."

At this point, I realize that it sounds like I hated this movie. I didn’t. In fact I really liked it. It’s fast paced, some of the performances are strong and the cinematography has an unsettling washed out quality. It may not be a good movie but it’s consistently entertaining and for a summer movie that’s good enough. Oh and one final note, I also really liked Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull so understand that this recommendation also functions as a warning.

Mike Sullivan

New Release! Coraline reviewed by Guest Writer Mike Sullivan

I hate making fun of Hot Topic. It’s not because I buy my “Twilight” hoodies and man mascara there but because the store is such a big, fat mopey target. I mean, everybody makes fun of this place. Pointing out that Hot Topic sells rebellion to undiscerning 14 year olds is like pointing out that airplane food is often unappetizing. It’s an obvious observation that ceased being funny or insightful several years ago.

Yet as obvious as this observation can be it still bears repeating because Hot Topic is a truly horrible store. My main issue with this place is the fact that they’ve managed to turn “The Nightmare Before Christmas” into a grating, Goth fetish object. When I watch this movie I no longer see Henry Selick’s intricate stop-motion animation, I can only see the sneering faces of several million morbidly obese girls in Betty Page bangs. It’s tragic and it will happen again. It’s only a matter of time before Selick’s latest effort, “Coraline,” is co-opted and ruined by a store that sells summer scarves. So please, do me a huge favor and see “Coraline” before it’s turned into an ugly, ubiquitous tchotchke.

Based on a 2002 novel by Neil Gaiman (Yeah, I know. But don’t judge a book by its insufferably pretentious author), “Coraline”, not surprisingly, tells the story of Coraline Jones (the voice of Dakota Fanning) a needy and somewhat bratty pre-teen who moves with her distracted parents (John Hodgman and a surprisingly good Teri Hatcher) to an apartment in a seedy old house. With her parents busy writing a gardening catalogue, a bored Coraline starts to feel neglected until she stumbles upon a secret door in her living room. The door leads to an impossibly perfect mirror universe where she finds her “Other Parents” (Hodgman and Hatcher again) a perma-grinned couple with black buttons for eyes who claim to be Coraline’s real parents. Although initially charmed by her new, fun parents, Coraline grows apprehensive when their true intentions are revealed.

Like “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (as well as “The Corpse Bride”) “Coraline” is a painstakingly crafted mini-epic that ably balances unfettered creepiness with genuine whimsy (both of which is on generous display during the opening credits sequence). However, unlike “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, the storyline is as well crafted as the stop-motion imagery. I particularly liked the fact that some of the script’s goofier throwaway details (like a cannon that shoots cotton candy, a collection of stuffed, bewinged Scotty dogs and a tractor/preying mantis/helicopter hybrid) play more sinister and significant roles later on. Odd, droll and, at times, surprisingly scary, “Coraline” is everything a kids film should be. Oh , by the way even though the film was shot in the amazing, miracle process of 3-D, it actually functions better without the distracting gimmick.

-- Mike Sullivan

A Night with the Watch

I wrote about Timur Bekmambetov's DAY WATCH in SHOCK CINEMA #31 as the biggest Russian blockbuster of its time, and it's no secret that I'm a fan of the WATCH series -- movies and books alike. So when Fox Searchlight announced the Stateside release of DAY WATCH, I jumped at the chance to see what they had done with the translation, and hey, to see it on the big screen! I bullied a friend into coming along with the added incentive of the pr department's cocktail hour post-show. I was curious just what Fox would do with the two-hour-plus epic sequel, since NIGHT WATCH had odd changes (I understand swapping out the Soviet cartoon for reruns of BUFFY, but on a plasma screen TV too posh for most American households, much less Moscow...?). I am happy to say that there were few edits from the Russian print short of a recap added to the opening. The running time seemed on par with my memory of the international release, putting all those negative rumors to rest at last. They even kept the entertaining credit sequence (I waxed poetic about it in my print review, I wont go on again). The translation was good and the animated subtitles worked really well with the production. Best subtitle of the night? A chunk of beef thrown at a wall spells "...bitch" as it slides bloodily to the floor. I'm also still mystified as to why people find the storyline so confusing, since it's far less convoluted than US-franchises such as THE MATRIX and LORD OF THE RINGS. Fox treated us well with previews of both JOSHUA (though I still can't get much of a feel for the film yet, short of a more violent BAD SEED remake) and SUNSHINE (looks brilliant, but I like director Danny Boyle to start with -- the more obscure the themes the better). They also provided us with nifty swag including a DAY WATCH shirt which now means I really do have a WATCH shirt for every day of the week. You know, not as if I would (heh, you can't tell but I'm wearing one now!).

While I'm at it, welcome to the official Shock Cinema blog. Sorry, but I must confess, chances are you'll hear more from me here then you will from Mr. Editor, but he has real work to do. And it evens out: I write minimally for the magazine, so you can handle a little more from me here. Right? Right?